There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
