Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
