i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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