just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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