god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
