I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize