You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
And then he peed in my hair
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