in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
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