I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
