i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
