Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
