I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
