is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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