I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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