Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
