Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
