Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Your penis caused this!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize