nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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