I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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