I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
