He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
