I'm gonna have a badass scar
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
