So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
