I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
