he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
