look no pants
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
