you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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