maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
