just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
