Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
