allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
