last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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