i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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