just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
