I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
