He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
