I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize