dude i'm inner monologue high
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
