Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
