just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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