I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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