So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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