I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
