Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
