my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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