You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
