I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
