69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
