was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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