Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
