chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
