Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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