At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
