I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How does one acquire holy water?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
