its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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