If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
