woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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