you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
