I need help removing her.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
