as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize