Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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