So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
