If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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