I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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